My Ran neechan
by Luna-Kitsune-Blu
Summary: She came home expecting a boy, but found a man in his place. He believed that after everything was explained, life would return to normal. Sadly, sorrow is a strong toxin. So is rage. (repost thanks to comp problems XD) Owari or 'finished'.
1. Confession

A/n: First time using the Japanese names, so sorry if I mess them up XD I don't own DC, just like every other fangirl on this site. I wanna own Shinichi, tho. Or at least Conan.

Anywho, don't be too hard on Ran in this XD Some of you girls will wanna tear her limb from limb in this XD

I tried uploading this before, but my comp is really messed up and it took a lot of words out for some wacko reason XD

* * *

"Conan-kun? Conan-kun, are you home?"

She dumped her book bag onto the couch after removing her shoes at the doorway. "I'm sorry I'm late, the theater parking lot was packed," she called breathlessly. She waited for an answer. "Conan-kun, are you there?"

"I'm in my bedroom, Ran-neechan."

She let out a sigh of relief. "Don't scare me like that, Conan-kun," she said, ending with a slight laugh. She made her way to his room, talking lightly as she went. "For a moment," her hand gently pulled the door open, "I didn't think you were—"

"Ohayo, Ran."

"Shinichi," she breathed. He simply smiled at her, like nothing had happened and nothing had changed. It wasn't until the door shut behind her did logic and reality finally take back control of her senses. "Where's Conan-kun?" she asked. He just went on smiling.

"I'm your Conan-kun, Ran. Always have been."

"N-no," she breathed back. The humor of the situation she was in took hold, and she let out a small laugh. "No, you can't be—"

"I am, Ran."

He removed the bowtie from his throat and threw it to her.

"Speak into the back."

She looked at him for a moment. He couldn't be serious. He gestured for her to go ahead, and she slowly raised the back of the bowtie to her lips.

"H-hello?" came Conan's voice when she spoke into it. "Holy—!" Startled, she dropped the bowtie from her hands. "H-how?!" she asked. He simply laughed and picked up the fallen neck piece.

"Dr. Agasa made it for me, since no one would listen to a kid."

"But...how could you ?" she asked. He looked up at her and gave her a crooked grin.

"That day at Tropical Land, the shady men from the roller coaster decided they wanted to use me as a guinea pig for their latest experimental toxin, but instead of killing me, it turned the my clock back ten years...and I became Edogawa Conan."

The grin slowly disappeared and his face took a darker tint. He began to play with the bowtie in his hands as he spoke.

"At first, I wanted to tell you, but then I realized it would probably be better if you didn't know. The last thing I'd want was for you to get involved and hurt on my behalf. So, I played dumb and did all I could to get my true identity back while keeping it a secret."

Slowly, a childish smile grew and he began to fiddle with the knobs on the back of his tie.

"I used the gadgets Dr. Agasa made me to help your father solve his cases. I thought that if I spread his name around, some word of the Organization that drugged me would pop up and I'd be one step closer to an antidote. Finally, Agasa and Ai-kun—she was the original creator of the toxin that changed me—finished the antidote and...here I am."

He opened and closed his arms, not knowing if he should embrace the stunned girl or to go on. He took in a deep breath, deciding to continue.

"I'm back for good this time, at least I should be, and now nothing will stop me from finding those men. I-I don't care anymore. I don't care if they find me, if you get involved, because this time, I can protect you. I won't let them set a hand on yo—"

"How dare you," she snapped sharply, cutting him off. Her voice was forced, rejection dripping from every word. His head shot up to look at her in disbelief. "Did you not think I could protect myself? Am...am I nothing but your damsel in distress? I'm not..." She trailed off, trying to keep her emotions at bay. "I'm not helpless. And...and how dare you think of me as such, and after you had known!" Rage filled her form, sorrow and rejection forgotten. "You had known my feelings from the beginning, that I loved you, and yet you ignored them! You pushed me away, Shinichi!"

"Ran, I—"

"And why did you have to pick MY house?!" she pushed on. "Was it your sick idea of a joke?! I was worried about you! I was scared to death that something had happened to you! I didn't know if you were alive or face down in a ditch! But, NO! You were right here the whole time and did you even care about the _Hell _you were putting me through?! How dare you!?"

"Ran, please!"

"I was scared to death, Shinichi! I was scared I had lost you every moment you weren't here! Why didn't you tell me?! Am I..." her voice cracked. "Am I that untrustworthy? Was I so much so that you couldn't even spare to tell me you were alive? I wouldn't...I wouldn't have told anyone, I swear. I—" She was cut off when he grabbed her wrist and pulled her into a tight embrace.

"I never thought you were untrustworthy. Far from it. I wanted to tell you everyday, but I also wanted to keep you safe, just incase something happened and I was too weak to save you in your time of need. I never thought for a moment you were weak in any way. It was because you are so strong that I was worried."

His arms tightened around her shoulders, his forehead pressed to her neck. His voice dropped to a dull whisper.

"They can break people, Ran. If it wasn't for you, they would have broken me a long time ago. I could...I could never forgive myself if anything happened to you, much less if for one second you lost the flair I fell in love with...I wouldn't risk you like that.

"Ran, I love yo—"

The back of her hand came down hard onto his cheek. He stumbled away in shock. "Get out," she hissed through clenched teeth. "Get out of my house, Shinichi."

He stared at her for a moment, shock in his eyes. Slowly the pieces fell into place, and after a moment he gave her a solemn nod. She was trying to hide it with anger, but he could see her eyes were brimmed with tears waiting to be shed in privacy. In a sigh of defeat, he slowly started to leave, but not before stopping to look at her one last time.

"Sayonara, my Ran-neechan," he told her quietly before passing her and heading out the door.

The door shut, and, silently, she collapsed.


	2. Rejection

"Oi, Ran..."

"Oi! Ran!"

"RAN!"

She sat bolt up-right in her seat to find Sonoko glaring down at her with a questionable look. "Ran, what's wrong with you?" Sonoko asked sharply. "You've been out of it all day!"

"I'm...I'm just a little tired, that's all."

Sonoko rolled her eyes, unsatisfied by the obvious lie. "Oh, cut it!" she snapped down at her. "Everyone knows you and that _Shinichi _got in some fight!" Sonoko began waving her hands around, exaggerating her words by doing so. "You worry yourself sick over the guy for almost a year, and when he finally returns to school, you don't even glance his way!" She didn't answer.

It was true. She wanted nothing to do with him...

_No, that's not true..._

"—Ran! Are you listening to me?"

"Oh—what?"

"Gods, you're hopeless!" Sonoko slumped into the seat of the desk across from her. "Will you make up your mind already, Ran?" she asked her, her voice devoid of all sarcasm and attitude. "Do you love the guy or not?"

"I...I d-...I just..."

She tried to collect her thoughts, but couldn't get her mind around their midnight discussion.

"_They can break people, Ran..."_

"It's...it's really complicated."

"So, explain it to me," her friend coxed. Sonoko glanced at her watch. "We've got plenty of time; lunch isn't over for another thirty minutes."

Letting out a dull sigh, she balanced her chin on her palm.

"You wouldn't believe me if I did."

Sonoko flashed her most trusting smile. "Try me."

She stared at her for a moment, contemplating if she should or not. Closing her eyes, she smiled weakly and stood.

"Maybe another time, Sonoko."

She left her friend alone in the classroom and headed blindly to the courtyard, her lunch bobbing in her grip. Under the branches of the large cherry blossom, her legs collapsed out from under her and fell feeble onto the grass.

"She dump you just like that?"

She looked up. That voice...it was a boy from her class. One of the kids Shinichi always hung out with.

"She had every right, I guess."

Shinichi...that was Shinichi's voice. Slowly, she peeked around the trunk of the tree. On the other side, sitting in a small ring, were Shinichi and four other boys who's names escaped her. One, a rice ball poking out of the side of his mouth, gave Shinichi's shoulder a playful nudge.

"So you're single again, are you?" the boy asked, smiling broadly. "I know all the girls around here will be happy to know."

"We were never really going out anyways...besides, she deserves someone better."

Heat rose to her cheeks.

"Listen to this guy," an older boy said, smacking Shinichi's shoulder. "He's really hung up over this chick."

She waited for him to respond, to deny them and tell them she was nothing but a heartless bitch, but Shinichi said nothing. One of the boys gave him a sympathetic look.

"You can't let some chick mess with your head, Shinichi," he said. "They're not worth it."

"No, I was the one who messed with her head."

"You what?" all four asked at once.

"I lied to her. I...I used her"

"Wow, man," the rice boy said slowly. "I never thought you'd—" Shinichi stood, cutting the boy off.

"I'm heading in."

He left the other boys and walked into the school building. Despite what her she was feeling, she followed him in, trying her best not to be seen.

The corridors of the school passed in a dull blur as she silently trailed him. His walk was slow and dragging, as if he was in deep thought. She ducked behind lockers and doors to avoid him. At the end of the hallway, he stopped.

"Why are you following me, Ran-neechan?"

She froze.

"Don't call me that," she snapped.

"I'm sorry. It's a habit."

He turned slowly to face her.

"Are you doing any better?"

He tried to put on a smile for her, but it was false and forced, making it harder for her to bear looking at him. When she didn't respond, he dropped the smile. It was replaced by a tortured gaze.

"I'm...I'm so sorry I put you through this."

She felt her face flush. Despite her true feelings, anger rose to the surface and took hold.

"You should be," she snapped harshly. Her eyes narrowed, the tears hiding behind them waiting to be released, before she hissed out, "_You could never understand the Hell I went through for you._"

The smirk that spread across his face surprised her.

"Oh, but that is where you would be mistaken."

The bitterness of his voice made her blood freeze. She had never heard him sound so...nasty, so cruel. "What?" she choked out.

"You, Ran, could never understand the Hell I put myself though."

The smirk died off, a look hatred and sorrow towards himself replacing it.

"Every moment of everyday that I spent in that..._prison _known as Edogawa Conan was ten times the Hell you speak of."

His voice was frightening to her. So course, so thick with grief. He looked old and worn before her.

"I couldn't do anything. I couldn't hold you, I couldn't help you...I couldn't even tell you how much I loved you. My soul was torn in two for you, and what's worse, you loved the fake half more then mine."

His voice trailed off. It seemed that only his lips were moving, but, somehow, she heard every word as clear as day.

"_You loved Conan...and you hated Shinichi._"

It was a silent scream of sorrow. It made her want to scream...scream out his name. She wanted him to stop. She wanted him to stop telling her _his _hell.

She had never even thought about how it affected him before. It was almost too much to bear.

But he continued.

"I would never be able to live with myself if something happened to you because of my foolishness...my cowardice. I was sure that if I told you..._they _would find out, and I'd lose you...forever."

His deep blue eyes looked into hers and she could see his heart breaking within them.

"I can't...I can't live without you, Ran."

It took all her strength to look away, but in time she did. "I'm...I'm sorry Shinichi..." she said softly, slowly. "But...I have...I have learned to live without _you_."

The silence that followed was unbearable. For a moment she thought she had gone deaf until she heard a small ping—

The ping of water hitting the ground.

She slowly looked back up at Shinichi. He was staring at her, his blue eyes dead and glazed over. He didn't look sad, he didn't look angry or surprised. He was devoid of all emotion. He was just...dead.

A single tear trailed down his left cheek.

"I understand, Ran."

The voice made her jump. It was new and strange to her. It wasn't until Shinichi spoke again did she realize it was _his _voice.

"I...I understand..."

He sounded dead. Lifeless and dead. Tears pricked the sides of her eyes, but she held them back. He wasn't finished speaking.

"Just...just remember something."

She looked away from him. It was just too hard...too hard to look at him like this. He wasn't Shinichi...he was...something else entirely.

She felt his hands wrap around her and her heart jumped. He breathed in the smell of her hair before whispering to her one last time.

"You will always be my Ran-neechan...And I will always love you."

_**--Owari--**_


	3. Reflection

A/n: dear lord, it's been a while, hasn't it? You all must really hate me! I'm sorry for the god-awful wait, but I just haven't been able to finish this. All thanks that I finished this at all should go to Kim (Van Fanel's Soulmate) who was hell bent on getting me to finish this. I'm so sorry, mainly to you Kim, that I didn't finish this sooner. I feel really terrible for making you wait so long.

I also have a message for Firestorm2004; this is a fan fiction, therefore its not MEANT to go with the series. Yessh, Ran is a bitch, but this chapter will give everything some closure, so fall off your high horse and give no point-of-views a chance.

Without out further ranting, I bring you My Ran-neechan, chapter three, Reflection

.-.-.-.

It had been a month.

A month after her confrontation with Shinichi-

No, with Kudo.

She was still getting used to the 'rules'.

The two of them now had a silent agreement going on. They were to no longer speak to the other, especially not call each other by their first names.

It was the final link between the two. It was hard-really hard-but they finally broke away that last bridge that connected their hearts.

Well, that's how it was _meant _to work. Some how, when she was alone at night, she still felt for him. She still ended up missing him.

It wasn't like when she thought he was off on a case. Back then, she had some hope of him returning to her.

Now she knew hoping just wasn't worth it anymore.

Now it was a pain, not a longing.

The first night, after she had told him she no longer needed him like she used to, she had come home to an empty house for the first time in…what seemed like years.

She had taken off her shoes, placed them in their normal spot, and felt her heart give a painful serge when she noticed Conan's were no longer there for her to set her's next to. Then she walked the hallway to her room, but paused when she passed Conan's door. Again her heart had cracked a little. The door had been open a ways, the hallway's glow snaking in to cover the floor in a thin string of light. Not knowing why, she opened the door a little more to look into his room. The room was then bathed in the hallway's light.

Nothing had changed. His little bed was where it had always been, neat and un-slept in. The boxes that used to occupy this room had all been cleared away in time, leaving a child's room in its place. She had reached up to turn on the light when she stopped. What was the use? She already knew where everything was. Conan always did have a way with keeping things neat.

No, _Shinichi_ always had a way of keeping things neat.

Again tears had come to her eyes. Now that she was home, she could finally let it all out. Throwing herself onto the futon, she had buried her face into the pillow and cried into it. Her senses swum with the familiar scent of her little adopted brother, and she had to keep correcting herself that it was really Shinichi's she was smelling, which just made her cry a little harder. She had spent the night in that room, crying and cursing.

Now it was all gone.

His bed, his books, his toys, his clothes-

All of it had been sold or given back or given away.

Now if she were to open that door and turn the light, only boxes would greet her.

God, how she missed that little boy…

Maybe she did love Conan the most out of the two, or maybe she only loved him more now that he was gone. It was very confusing deciding between the two, because to her, there were two completely different people:

Conan, the little brother she never had and Shinichi, the one who gave her up for the world.

In a way she loved both equally yet couldn't keep herself from picking sides. Conan had always been there for her where Shinichi hadn't. He had always been sweet and caring, putting her before himself where as Shinichi was always gone and out of her reach.

But, now that she knew they were and always had been one person, she could no longer justify her feelings over the two.

The more time she had to think about it, the more she hated herself. Shinichi was Conan, therefore he was the loving, adorable little brother she had known for so long. Yes, he did lie to her. Yes, he did deceive her and, in a way, use her, but he did it out of love for her. He did it so she wouldn't be hurt.

Well, that plan backfired big time. Now where were they? Both eighteen and miserable.

Well, she wouldn't say both of them. Sh-no, Kudo- had seemed to bounce back only a few days after their little 'talk'. She had watched, from a distance of course, as he laughed happily with a new girl around his arm. Her heart had felt like it was going to break into a million pieces.

She had thought he had loved her enough to…she didn't know, hold on to her longer? Was she really that easy to replace? What happened to 'I can't live without you, Ran'?

Either way, none of that mattered now. She was going to get it all over and done with.

She was going to jump from the top of the school building, right when he would be leaving. He'd turn and watch her fall. Maybe he'd try to save her. She didn't know, nor did she care. Either way, today was going to be her last day.

She spent her last few periods of school writing up her 'will' of sorts. She wanted everything she owned to stay with her father for him to choose what to do with. Knowing him, he'd sell it all to pay for cigarettes or booze. Despite the morbid circumstances, she couldn't keep herself from chuckling at the image of him pawning off her ashes to pay for some liquor. The only thing she didn't want to go to her father was her diary, holding the entire year of Shin-

Kudo, dammit! He's Kudo now!

holding the entire year of _Kudo_'s disappearance. That was going to go to Kudo Shinichi himself. It wasn't for revenge or to make him feel worse about himself. No, she wanted him to have it so he could always remember the fun they had together as Conan and his Ran-neechan.

As she wrote the last line, her eyes slowly filled with tears. She was really going to do it. She was going to kill herself. She sucked in a breath and scribbled the rest down quickly before folding it up. It wasn't time to dwell. It was time to act.

When the bell rang, signaling the end of school, she was ready, at least mentally. It wasn't until she got out into the hallway did she start second guessing if what she was doing was the best idea.

And then she was knocked right over by someone.

"Shit! Sorry, Ra- I mean Mori-san!"

She looked up to see Kudo sprawled out over her, their legs entangled and their books littering the ground around them. Their faces were so close, she could feel his breath on her skin. For a moment, she allowed herself to stare into his eyes one last time. They had become a little brighter then the last time she had looked directly into them a month ago, but they weren't even close to how bright or happy as they were before. Secretly she kicked herself for what she had put him through. She blinked, realizing she had been staring probably a little too long.

"S-sorry, Kudo-san," she mumbled out, finally looking away. "I-I wasn't looking where I was going."

"It's alright."

He got up off of her and reached out a hand to help her up as well. She stared at his outstretched palm for a moment before taking it. After he had pulled her up she realized just what she had been doing. If she didn't move now, her whole plan would be ruined. When Kudo had turned away to pick up his stuff, she pushed out of the circle of bystanders that had developed and made a dead run for the stairs and didn't stop running until she had thrown open the door to the roof.

Beautiful blue skies greeted her. She paused for a moment to suck in a breath of fresh air. Slowly she approached the railing set by the edge of the roof, trying her best to ignore the pounding of her heart in her ears. She was going to do this. She _had_ to do this.

All those years of karate discipline slowly inched her forward and over the railing to stand on the small ledge on the other side. Her hands gripped the metal railing in a white knuckled hold. Beneath her, she didn't know exactly where in the building, a bell rang, signaling the end of the school day. Stories below, students, her classmates, poured from the entrance, their noisy chatter barely audible from her height. She watched breathlessly as a girl looked up at her from her place on the firm ground. Although she could not make out the girl's face, she felt both of them make eye contact.

They started at each other for a second.

Then the girl screamed.

Startled by the high-pitched sound, she lost her footing and tumbled off the ledge, one of her hands still holding the railing for dear life. Arching her head back, she looked back down at the ground below her. A small crowd had gathered, all staring up at her as she dangled off of the school building. She held her breath and searched the bystanders over.

None of them were Kudo.

Her hand loosened ever so slightly. She couldn't stay hanging like this forever! One of the students were bound to go get a teacher or someone to stop her.

Screw Kudo. She had to do this now.

Reaching into her pocket with her free hand, she rummaged around for her will. It wasn't there.

_Crap!_ She thought to herself. _I must have dropped it when I bumped into Kudo!_

She paused for a moment. What was she going to do? Without the will…

It didn't matter, she decided quickly. She loosened her grip on the rail a little more.

Another girl screamed.

It sounded like Sonoko.

She didn't care.

She let go of the railing completely.

"RAN! NO!"

For a split second she felt the pleasure of falling.

Then a hand grabbed her wrist.

"Ran!"

She looked up into two frightened blue eyes. Kudo stared down at her, his hand wrapped firmly around her wrist, keeping her from falling any farther. His upper body was bent over the railing and his feet were securely fitted under the last bar of the railing, preventing him from falling to his death as well.

"Let go of me!" she screamed. He shook his head, his eyes still wide.

"I won't, Ran!"

He started to pull her up. She tried to find the strength to break away from him, to fall back, but she felt so weak. After he helped her back up over the railing, she collapsed.

"I told you to let me go, Kudo-san…" she whispered, feeling the tears behind her eyes begin to flow forward.

"Ran, what in the world had you been thinking!"

She looked up to see Kudo drop down into a crouch in front of her, fear still in his eyes. Before she could look away or say anything to him, he grabbed her and pulled her into a tight hug.

"Don't ever scare me like that again…"

For a moment she couldn't breathe or think or move. Kudo hand his head resting firmly on her shoulder, one of his hands stroking her hair.

"Never, _ever_ do that again."

"Ku…Shinichi," she whispered, a few tears finally starting to streak down her face. "Shinichi!" She threw her arms around him as well, crying into the front of his jacket. "I promise I won't…" she whispered between the hiccupped sobs. "I promise."

For a while they sat there, holding each other. She sobbed out apologies left and right while he rocked her and told her it was alright. A teacher had rushed up the stairs and thrown open the roof door expecting to have to talk a student out of suicide, but Shinichi shooed him away, assuring him he had things under control. What seemed like hours passed before her tears ran dry and she could no longer cry anymore.

"Your eyes are all red and puffy."

Shinichi smiled ruefully down at her and she blushed.

"They get that way when people cry…" she whispered.

"I've made you cry too much, haven't I?"

He was giving her that guilty, self-loathing look again, avoiding her eyes.

"I'm sorry…"

"Shinichi, you baka," she whispered before giving him a playful punch in the ribs. "Quit saying that…I'm just happy you're back…"

"Yeah…"

He looked back at her, his eyes as bright and happy as ever.

"I'm back, neechan."

She gave him another punch in the ribs, harder this time.

"Quit calling me that!"


End file.
